Forgot to diet, again.

Perfect! The holidays are approaching and we all know what that means…

it's ok to gain a few extra pounds, right? I mean, it’s an open invite to gorge yourself on all the wonderful & delightful foods that come once a year. Why not put yourself in a food coma on Thanksgiving? All you do is watch football while the family is talking about things you don’t really care about anyway. It’s a great time to avoid family conversations. All you have to say is you don’t feel good or you’re tired. They leave you alone! No one questions you. Perfect time to tune them out with eyes glazed over from overindulgence.


Gluttony…? Who cares! 

Pig…? So what!

Bloated and need to put on sweatpants…? Go for it!


But wait! I was going to wear this really cute black dress to the company Christmas party. Ok, well it’s in four weeks so that’s enough time to get at least ten pounds off. I’ll just do “the cleanse” or some liquid diet and work out like crazy. Because that always worked in the past. NOT. If I did an honest reality check, I would remember in the past ten years not once have I ever lost weight before the holidays. What makes this year any different? Oh right, I’m determined. Ya, that’s it, I am serious!


Ok, I will start Monday.


Monday rolls around and we have 40 people from work bringing their Thanksgiving leftovers for us all to enjoy. Or should I say just so they won’t eat it. Ok, I was one of those too. Hmmm. Decisions. Currently eying Jerry’s wife’s famous apple pie he brought in. Well let’s see I never get to eat this at home and it is the holidays and everything so I should eat it now at work so as to not eat as much when I get home.


One by one people start bringing their favorite holiday dishes to work. How do you say no to that? How do you say no to Peppermint Mochas and pumpkin cheesecake? And even if I do savor these no-no’s it doesn’t matter because there is something in my brain that tells me it’s ok because…


“It’s the holidays everyone!” For some reason, it doesn’t matter.


Week one down and I still haven’t been to the gym because it’s so cold out! I can’t do it before work because it’s so dark and cold. It also takes awhile for the car to warm up and who wants to wait that long in the morning? Well I can’t really go after work because I miss the kids and need to get home to start on dinner and homework. So I will walk at work during lunch. That way, it’s light out and not so cold.


Oh darn, I keep forgetting to bring my tennis shoes to work.


So now I am looking at celebrity gossip magazines at these hot sculpted little girls and am wondering why I don’t look like that. As I’m reading I make an internal vow to myself that I will start eating only vegetables and fruits for the next month…or starve myself with water only. This of course, only lasts until the magazine is put down. The feelings of being fat and out of shape sink in so I grab a bag of chips out of the cupboard. Why go for that? Why not head straight to the gym? Or, put in the PX90 I purchased fifteen years ago? The one where I was so excited to do for 90 days. Day One: My son and I are ready to DO THIS! Here we go…burning fat…oh ya…feeling the workout…oh hell…this is tough…oh no…can’t go on…who does this…collapse to the ground and tell my son I can no longer go on.


He says, “MOM! It’s only the warm up.”


So what really motivates people to work out and stay fit? Is it a desire to look like what society calls attractive? If so, we know this is only a cultural thing and differs for each era in time. At one point in time larger bodies were considered as a sign of health and fertility. Then I guess I’m healthy and fertile! Marilyn Monroe was 5’5” and weighed 135 pounds. For today’s celebrities that would be considered grossly overweight. What makes us determined to achieve the desired body figure? As women in this culture do we really feel we ever attain that goal? I hear women even in their 80’s talking as do the teens, 20’s, my age group, etc…all stating the same thing, “I need to lose weight” or “I need to diet”…my goodness, am I going to do that all my life and really never lose a pound but instead gain? Always complaining that my jeans keep shrinking or that I really need to go to the gym but instead stuff my face with every tempting item of food that presents itself to me?


I can’t possibly go on like this…


Week two and three pass by and now here is the dreaded Christmas party. As I try to squeeze myself into the dress (I bought purposely two sizes too small), I realize…this is ridiculous! Now the immense guilt floods in as I hyperextend my shoulder trying to zip up the back zipper which only ends up ripping. UGH! Why didn’t I “cleanse?” Why did I eat the two pounds of fudge and the leftover apple pie that Jerry’s wife made on Thanksgiving? Ok, ok. It’s said and done. I can’t do anything about it now. I’ll just wear these stupid dress slacks that I wear every year that hide my muffin top. I’ll be fine because it’s three weeks from New Year’s now and dammit, I’m gonna be ten pounds lighter! Why do you ask?


Because I’m starting a new diet on Monday.


I think I have the perfect dress for that…just needs a little mending of the zipper.


Lindsy Brewer







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