The girl I used to know
We could say the circumstances of life molded us into the person we are today. The good, the bad and the ugly. That’s somewhat true. Although we are at the mercy of what life throws at us, it’s how we respond to it that directs it’s course.
You can let your circumstances break you or build you into something greater.
I chose to let my circumstances dictate my life. I let go of the girl I used to know. I chose self destructive habits. I let fear, bitterness, rejection, anger, jealousy, and deep (deep) sadness run my life. I lived my present life through the eyes of my past. I couldn’t let go because that meant more than just letting go of the circumstances. I would have to let go of who I was before tragedy hit. I had to let go of so much more than just a memory or two.
Letting go of your past means letting go of who you used to be. We are forced to. When we are blindsided by one of life‘s brutal circumstances, we are immediately succumbed to a new reality. We are forced to live in what is now a foreign land. You may ask, “What happened to my life?” Your day to day living has been invaded, demolished and set on fire. It feels as if you are being held for ransom in another country with no identity, no passport and no familiar faces. Who are you now? You aren’t the same. You never will be the same. But who are you now?
I miss the girl I used to know. I miss how innocent and naive she was. She knew so little of pain. She was filled with life. She had a fire for life in her eyes. She saw the good in everything. She trusted.
She also let the world become a scavenger to her brokenness. She bowed down to deception and lived as if life was over. The fire in her eyes began to fade. Darkness set in. She didn’t see the good in everything any longer. She no longer trusted.
The girl I used to know couldn’t handle the circumstances life presented her with. She didn’t need to let go of her past, she needed to make peace with it instead. She had to accept her reality. She learned that by owning her story and forgiving herself she was able to find a place for that girl she used to know. She was developing her new self.
What else did she do?
She forgave her.
She accepted her.
She had compassion for her.
She began to validate herself instead of continuing to victimize herself.
She became mindful of the people in her life.
She began to build herself up instead of tearing herself down.
“...till it finally reminds her to fight just a little to bring back the fire in her eyes.” Sara Bariellas https://youtu.be/EcXjEtIMym8
She is now learning to see the good in everything once again. She is starting to trust again. The world hasn't changed. Circumstances will still try to shape and mold her. But the girl I used to know is no longer fighting. The girl I am now, is.